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Funny Toddler Dictionary

Welcome to the Toddler Dictionary, a list of definitions that tell it like it really is...
Friend
See sharing.
Grandparent
In past times, grandparents lived near or with the parents and toddler, helping with the child's everyday care and education. Since then, the elder generation has wised up and keep a safe distance from the more unsavoury aspects of raising young children - such as tantrums, potty training and the word Why?
Parent
Toddler caregiver, AKA teacher, bottom wiper, psychologist, nurse, stylist, behavioural manager, serf, nutritionist, safety hazard expert, play implementation officer, social worker, exercise coach, anti-boredom czar and social skills coordinator.
Playdate/Toddler Group
Area of extreme social hazard, due to enforced social obligations, such as the dreaded sharing. Attendace often results in one or more of the following: fighting, crying, snatching, pushing. Toddlers are also likely to misbehave.
Potty Training
Domestic festival, also known as The Christening Of The Carpets. Some families extend festivities over a period of 4-5 months, enjoying repeated celebrations. Involves counting (number one and number two).
Sharing
Foreign word to a toddler. Will not be understood.
Sleep
Toddler optional extra. Attempts worthy of the cast of The Great Escape will be made to avoid sleep. Child's own room will apparently be full of rain, snow and monsters (and make the toddler 'vewee hungwee'), but parent's room adjacent will be the panacea to all ills.
Toddler
Child with the ambition of Barack Obama, the social skills of The Terminator, and the bladder control of The Trevi Fountain.
Toddlerhood
Intense period of development that lasts from the age of one until around or just after a child's 3rd birthday (or fourth, if you're an expert wanting to flog and extra long book on the subject). Characterised by social difficulties, egomania and frequent tantrums. These can actually be pretty desirable qualities - a few children do grow up with such useful skills. We call them politicians.
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